That's my reason to write on this blog. To distress and to enlighten myself.
I've been working in this engagement where I found myself no strength anymore. It started from September where the shocking news I got from my family was my sister pregnant and she is single. She has just broke up with her ex boy friend. This is not the worst, it was getting worse where my mother approached her ex to ask for financial support for delivery of baby as not matter how my sister wont marry with this guy. However, things just not go well when this guy brought a solicitor to our house next day and claimed that my mother blackmailed him.
Oh my gosh, everyone in family were so scared and overwhelmed. End up, my parent and sister reached Zhang Tian Si to seek for his help as we really do not know what to do. A meeting had been arranged for negotiation between the bad ass and our representative solicitor.
The negotiation started with questioning the bad ass, how could my mother blackmail and threaten him without a gun, pistol or gangster? Moreover, he should have responsible for what he did, he cant just act nothing at all and not taking any financial responsibilities. The bad ass defended himself by claiming the baby is not his, it's others. My sister broke down and angry for his accuse. She never ever expect this kind of words coming from him and it is so ridiculous and hurt.
Well, my family realised this guy was so selfish, helpless and cold-hearted and there is nothing we could talk about. Our next move was to leave Kepong forever where the place we raised, we stayed for decades. Though I really like this place, for the sake of my sister and baby, I followed my family's decision to move house within a week. It has really troubled me a lots where my new house is very far and jam from working place.
I was stucked in the jam for hours everyday to travel to work place and kena summon for twice just because I speed in the middle of the night when I was doing OT for the engagement.
I just cant take the stress from traffic. Add on there is huge responsibilities from works. I found it stress especially I am so lack of knowledge of this industry, I could sense the juniors and co-workers around looked down on me especially I could not answer their question though i am more senior than them. I can felt it more when my peer questioned me in front of all juniors and seniors why I could not deliver my works though 3 weeks has been assigned for the work. I totally shame of myself and sad. It was humiliating and totally face drop. It has triggered me to tender but yet I still want to keep my promise to stay till end of the engagement.
However, another thing triggered me more to leave my job is my boss. She is arrogant and does not listen to me especially when I could not articulate the story well to her. She just refused to listen and concluded it was a fraud. I found myself could not manage this kind of boss anymore, life is short, why should I wasting my time to please a boss who will never ever listen or agree my point of view. There is no chance of career progression in this job. I started to shake my promise but yet I still upholding it.
The most triggering point has just happen when my father hospitalised at the beginning of December 2012. At that point of time, I started to struggle, why there is so many things happen in my life in just a short time. I reaffirm my believe to leave when I know things in my family require my time commitment. Therefore, I submitted my resignation at the beginning of December 2012 without any hesitation.
Things never become easier though you have tendered your resignation. I can still feel the stress when my senior talked about how things expected from juniors but if that things happen to me, I may not meet the expectation too. People talked about your resignation, saying that why you cant take it as stay one month you will receive the bonus, why you did not uphold your promise. I just kept quiet though I was crying inside my heart, you are not me, you wont understand how I felt, why I should spare more time with family. I hate this but I need to go through this.
The worst section delegated to me, I couldn't handle well and I sensed that people around me start to give me a sarcastic face where you should have do it right at your level.
Only god can save me, I prayed hard that everything can go back to right track. I do not know what will happen after my father's second hospitalised within this same month and after my sister deliver the baby on April 2013. I am depressed, unhappy, lost and I am asking for God's help. I really cant take it anymore, I am weak, people disrespect me, I wanna leave as soon as possible.
